ICOF
Freakapalooza
OPENING MOMENTS
The show began with the usual pomp including some brilliant fireworks and explosions before the arena went dark briefly. The lights came back on and Commissioner Babcock stood in the center of the ring with a demented Jakal pacing back and forth and laughing hysterically.
Miss Babcock: Wow. Here it is. Freakapalooza is upon us once again. The premier showcase of the ICOF. So many exciting things are happening in our humble little promotion lately. Brand splits, contracts, returning superstars… It’s a wonderful time to be a wrestling fan. It’s a wonderful time to be a wrestling promoter. Heck, sometimes I wonder just what would happen if I were to strap on my boots again… (loud crowd pop forces the former Miss Babcock to pause). But that’s not what I am here to announce. (Jakal continues to pace in the background, his laughter getting even louder) I am here to announce … (Babcock pauses and looks back at the insane wrestler) You are a strange little man, do you know that? (Jakal grins and laughs again as if in agreement) Anyway, as I was saying, it is a wonderful time to be a wrestling fan, a wrestling promoter, a wrestling commissioner and not to mention the EVP in charge of talent acquisition. This is our biggest show of the year and I think you are going to find it is full of surprises. First off I want to introduce you to one of our newest signings, a man who is making his ICOF debut right here and right now. Let me present to you….DUSTY FERRARI!
DUSTY FERRARI VS JAKAL
The sound of high octane engines revving blasted through the arena and a young long-haired wrestler in black and yellow tights came racing down the ramp at full speed. He bounced off the ropes a half dozen times before coming to a sudden stop in his corner. After quickly acknowledging the crowd he turned his attention on his opponent as he leaned on the ropes on the corner waiting for the opening bell. You could feel the barely contained energy waiting to burst free. The bell rings and he bolts out of the corner and directly at the unsuspecting Jakal who was still laughing hysterically at the crowd. Jakal managed to weather the early attack and even turn the tables on the eager youth a couple of times, but in the end the newcomer was victorious in his debut with the help of a bionic elbow.
GALACTIC GUARDIANS LOCKER ROOM
We go to the back stage area inside the locker room of the Galactic Guardians where all five members are currently sitting around.
Spacelord: Alright, this is it. Freakapalooza. The big one. The show of shows. This is where we make our mark. Time to show the wrestling universe that the Guardians are here and not going to be taken lightly any longer. Let’s go out there and give them a show that they will never forget. What do you all say?
Star Squirrel: Great speech, laser brain. Too bad that none of us are booked on the card! How are we going to give them a show if we aren’t even competing?
Ajax The Annihilator: HAHAHA! He called you laser brain!
Spacelord: It’s not funny Ajax. We are shut out on the big stage. How can that happen?
Star Squirrel: Oh let me see. You are our leader. Did you even try to get us booked?
Spacelord: I thought I did. At least I am pretty sure I turned in the contracts…I had put them right here in my attaché… (Spacelord proceeds to pull out several official looking documents). Uh oh…
Star Squirrel: Oh gee, Could those be the contracts? Good move, doofus!
Ajax The Annihilator: And I am the one they call dumb… HAHAHA!
Star Squrrel/Spacelord together: Shut up, Ajax!
Gamina (rolling her eyes): You are all morons! Willow, lets you and I go get some food and leave these idiots to their own stupidity.
(Willow shrugs his shoulders and lumbers behind Gamina as the rest of the team continue to argue amongst themselves)
PAPA RASTA VS ELI GRIMM
A closely fought battle between two of the preeminent stars in the ICOF saw a wild battle ensue on the outside in what looked like a pending double countout, but the referee let them go at it and eventually the fight spilled back into the room. Eli Grimm was able to finally secure the victory with a pair of Grimm Deliverances.
UNDROID VS ZOMBIE MULUMBA
Lord Gaunt was not very pleased when The Undroid spurned him and jumped ship, so he sent his top hitman, Zombie Mulumba to score some payback. The match was the proverbial immovable object versus the unstoppable force as the two undead behemoths took turns trading shots against each other. The hard hitting affair was put to an end when The Undroid put away Mulumba with an Undead Rack.
BIRDS OF PREY VS SPACEBALL FURIES
A classic duos match was next on tap and the two teams did not disappoint. The action was fast paced with several hot tags and double teaming tactics thrown into the mix, but in the end it was Hardball who scored the pinfall for the Furies when he bested Matt Falcon with a Grand Slam.
TOMMY HAWK VS MYSTERY OPPONENT (ICOF RULES MATCH)
Tommy Hawk was in the ring with his fists clenched and his eyes peeled to the stage in anticipation of who this mystery opponent of Commissioner Babcock’s was going to be. Suddenly the lights dimmed and an eerie red glow covered the arena. Ominous organ music began to play over the loudspeakers and two pillars of flame shot up from the stage before the lights cut off completely.
Then a deep voice resonated through the speakers: VENGEANCE IS MINE SAYETH CHOIR BOY!
Billy Budd: Oh My God! It’s Choir Boy! Choir Boy is back in the ICOF!!
Bod Squad: All I can say is business just picked up!
The ring announcer declared the match to be under ICOF Rules and the carnage began. It did not take long before the fight spilled out of the ring and Choir Boy took it to the ICOF icon, going so far as to slam him through a ringside table. Eventually the chaos returned to the ring and Tommy Hawk was able to spoil Choir Boy’s return with a devastating Tommy Gunn. The battle did not end there however, as Pumpkin Jack, Whitechapel and Jokose Bane came out and proceeded to give Tommy a four on one beatdown. Corr and Jagwar both ran out to the aid of their fallen ally, but were likewise beat down for their troubles. Suddenly, AC/DC powered through the loudspeakers and Ripper Monsoon, barbed wire chair in hand came racing to the ring, sending all four villains scurrying. After making sure that the threat was over, he proceeded to check on the three bloodied allies. Corr and Jagwar rolled out of the ring to head to the back as Tommy and Ripper stood tall facing each other. After a brief stare down, Tommy grinned and the two best friends shared a bearhug as they were reunited at last!
Billy Budd: Wow! What a special moment we are seeing right now.
Bod Squad: Oh please get over it already. Big deal.
Billy Budd: If its such a big deal, why are you crying?
Bod Squad: I ain’t crying. I just got something caught in my eye is all.
Billy Budd: Sure, sure you do.
Bod Squad: Shut Up Billy and let’s just get to the next match.
Billy Budd: Okay, okay Bod. Let’s go to the back and check in on Commissioner Babcock.
Bod Squad: Do you have a hanky?
COMMISSIONER BABCOCK’S OFFICE
Marlena Babcock and her brother, Freakenstein, were sitting in her office. Freak was lounging with his legs up on the desk while his sister gave him the evil eye.
Marlena: Look Jason. We both have our father’s best interest in mind with the way we are directing his company. I know you don’t agree with what I’m doing, but if dad were here, I’m sure he would give me his blessing. And get your damn boots off my desk.
Freak (grudgingly removing his offending feet): Sis, I don’t know. Maybe he would, maybe he wouldn’t. All I know is thinks were working just fine before you went and killed off the committee. Sure I could see axing Mother, he was deadweight anyway. But me and Tommy? I think we were doing just fine.
Marlena: Just fine? Things were getting stale. It was the same old fights done the same old way. Things had to change. That’s all there is to it.
Freak: I still think that was a rotten trick you played on me. You could have given me a warning. Maybe we could have discussed it privately instead of parading our family issues out in public like that.
Marlena: You just don’t get it. Yes this is about family. It is about family legacy and what we want to leave behind. Namely this company. You are my brother, but first and foremost I have this company at mind. And it comes first no matter what.
Freak: Even over blood?
Marlena (after a pregnant pause): Yes. Even over blood. (The siblings sit in awkward silence for several moments before she speaks again.) Now don’t you have a match to get ready for? I suggest you go and do that. I have some business to take care of.
Freak (as he stands up and heads towards the door): Yeah, you just do that! (Freak slams the door closed as he leaves.
Marlena picks up the phone receiver next to her and speaks into it: Yes. Send Mother in please.
DIRTY DEEDS VS EMPTY TANKARDS
The Empty Tankards who had recently lost the tag team titles to Primate Power were looking for some redemption against a tag team that has been making waves lately in Dirty Deeds. The match went back and forth for quite a bit but then Pantheon began putting together some devastating power moves and the match ended shortly thereafter with MI Evil taking the loss thanks to the Wrath Of Gods.
JAGWAR VS BILLY BANGZ (ICOF RULES MATCH)
In another chaotic ICOF match that saw tons of plunder involved including pool cues, chairs and barbed wire bats, Jagwar wore out Billy Bangz before putting him away with the Blood Of The Cat.
ALPHA PACK VS THE UNCHAINED
Alpha Male, Warpig and the Scare Bears had a four on four match against Silver Mane, Primate Power and DF Gremlyn, who was filling in for Major Brahma who would be defending the ICOF Championship later on the show. While DF Gremlyn made a solid accounting for himself, the team continuity just wasn’t there for The Unchained and it was Alpha Male who took the win over Kee-Bo with Only The Strong Survive. I’m sure that Silver Mane and his allies are biding their time for the eventual rematch, though when that will be is anybody’s guess now that the two factions will be competing on separate brands.
RAYVEN VS FOLLY (STEEL CAGE MATCH)
In another one of the matchups that we won’t be seeing again for awhile thanks to the brand split, we see bitter enemies Rayven and Folly go head to head inside a steel cage. The match was as wild as expected with all sorts of weapons thrown into the mix. Folly tried every dirty trick she could muster but in the end Rayven stood victorious after connecting with a Rayven Splash while Folly was lodged inside a trash can. Billy Bangz came out and carried the unconscious Folly out in his arms.
X-DEMON VS SKURGE (INFERNAL BINDING MATCH)
The two powerhouse demons faced off in a battle for ultimate supremacy. The loser of the Infernal Binding Match would become the slave of the winner for a period of 666 years. The stakes were high and both competitors rose to the challenge in a classic battle that so a few near falls in either direction. At one point it appeared that Skurge was victorious as the official’s hand hit the mat for a third time. Unfortunately X-Demon’s leg was on the rope and the match continued. Ultimately, it was X-Demon who prevailed when he scored the pin with his third Demon Driver in a row. In a display of total unsportsmanship, X-Demon added insult to injury by putting a leash on Skurge and leading him to the back as his demonic laugh echoed throughout the arena.
COMMISSIONER BABCOCK STANDING IN THE RING
I am going to take a moment to discuss another exciting new event that is about to take place. I mentioned briefly about a major tournament that is about to begin and I’d like to tell you a little bit more about it now. This will be the largest tournament we’ve ever done. As far as I know this is larger than any major promotion has ever put on. And it will be for the biggest prize of all. You see, win or lose, this will be Major Brahma’s last defense of the ICOF Championship. For in the spirit of competition he has agreed to relinquish the belt after the match. The ICOF Championship will be no more. Whoever wins the next match will be retiring the belt. In its place we will be crowning the first ever ICOF Grand Champion. Every single active member of the ICOF roster will be entered into the competition. We will also be including a select few outsiders and former ICOF competitors into the mix as well. All told there will be 128 wrestlers competing in a single elimination tournament to determine who the first ICOF Grand Champion will be. That champion will then defend their title every other week on a rotating basis so every brand will have an equal opportunity to win the belt. All matches will be randomly selected and take place at the Bunker. The tournament begins in three days’ time.
Billy Budd: Wow. I’m speechless. The ICOF Grand Championship? Maybe I should come out of retirement and throw my name in the hat.
Bod Squad: Please. You were never a contender when you were wrestling. Didn’t everyone just wear black trunks when you wrestled?
Billy Budd: What’s wrong with blank trunks?
Bod Squad: Boring and bland. Just like your matches.
Billy Budd: Remind me again how long you have been retired?
Bod Squad: Shut up.
MAJOR BRAHMA VS OPEN CHALLENGER (ICOF CHAMPIONSHIP)
The open challenge was answered by ICOF Original, Breaker who was going for his first championship since his recent return to the promotion he called home for so many years. Few have lofted the ICOF Championship more than Breaker had in his illustrious career, so it proved to be an exciting matchup. It did not disappoint either as both wrestlers fought tooth and nail in an instant classic that so them each kick out of the other’s finisher. The match ended abruptly when Brahma scored the victory with the Brahma Bullrush.
After the match, Commissioner Babcock entered the ring and Major Brahma proved his class by handing the belt over and relinquishing the title.
TOMMY HAWK’S LOCKER ROOM
Tommy is sitting in a chair as a medic is working on some cuts on his forehead. Tommy begins to unravel the tape on his left arm. He pauses what he’s doing and looks into the camera. Choir Boy. Jokose Bane. Whitechapel. Pumpkin Jack. I have been fighting your kind for my entire life. Going up and down the circuit from one backwater planet to another. In the largest stages in the galaxy. In the seedy underbellies and cesspools of civilization. Night after night. Bucket of blood after bucket of blood. And I can tell you one thing. Nobody has put me down for the count. That ain’t going to stop now. You guys want a war? Fine. I have Jagwar and Corr at my side as always. And I have that MF badass, Ripper at my side now as well. You are fighting a battle you could never hope to win. I may fight my last fight someday. I may fall in the ring and never rise again. That is the life we lead. I choose it willingly. I choose to fight. I choose to wage this war. As fate would have it, we are all on the same brand. My brand. And I’m in my zone. The warzone. Come and face me, I’ll be waiting for you.
FREAKENSTEIN VS MOTHER
The tension between these two was palpable. Their storied rivalry having been written in arenas throughout the known galaxy and this, the latest chapter would see no exception. It began as a staredown that lasted for several minutes and built up slowly into an excellent back and forth battle. Being their last showdown for the foreseeable future, neither of the juggernauts wanted to make the first mistake. Eventually as the match went on the ferocity and tempo kicked up a notch and the two were trading the heavy artillery. In a somewhat surprising outcome, however it was Mother who had his arm raised in victory after repeatedly attacking Freakenstein with the Mother Hugger!
Kristy Bliss slid into the ring to tend to her fallen champion as Mother celebrated in the ring. Breaker then reappeared and stepped inside. Mother put his hands up and backed off, not wanting any part of the gladiator after his tiring battle with Freakenstein. As Mother left the ring, Freak finally rose to his feet, pushing Kristy behind him to keep her from harms way. The two big bruisers stood eye to eye.
Suddenly a voice from the backstage area sings out over the loudspeaker as pink lighting flashes around the arena. “Darlings! Oh, darlings, that is so sweet! I just love when you manly men get all physical with each other. I can smell the testosterone from here. It makes me just giddy!”
Billy Budd: My god, that’s Rapture. What the hell is he doing here?
Bod Squad: You got me there, pal. Nobody ever tells me nothing.
A couple seconds later Rapture walks through the curtain and appears on the ramp to a stunned live audience while the two big men continue their stare down. He saunters to the ring and starts speaking in the mic once more as he climbs through the ropes.
“This is just fantastic. Two strapping specimens to delight all my senses. It could bring tears to my eyes I tell you.”
Freakenstein glances briefly at Rapture with a look of disdain before turning his full attention back to Breaker. Breaker holds his gaze for a few more seconds before taking a step back and acting like he was going to leave the ring. Then suddenly Kristy Bliss does the unthinkable and drops to one knee, her arm catching the genetic monster in the nether regions bringing him to his knees. Breaker suddenly moves like a hungry shark and picks up Freakenstein for a devastating power bomb! Kristy and Breaker stand over the fallen hero and exchange a passionate kiss while Rapture prances around the ring excitedly. Then things turn into a strange direction as Rapture drops down to the mat and starts to slither around on Freakenstein before giving him a kiss on the forehead.
Billy Budd: What did we just witness here? This is getting weird… Even by ICOF standards.
Bod Squad: I don’t know what this is, but I sure don’t want to be Rapture when Freak sees the playback on this.
Billy Budd: I think he just signed his death certificate. I think after that we need to get out of here. We’re about out of time anyway. Thank you everybody for watching Freakapalooza. For Bod Squad, I am Billy Budd. Good night and farewell. I need to go wash my eyes out with soap.
Bod Squad: I need to go pluck mine out with a fork!