IFC 12
Preliminary Card:
Hype MacLeod: We are live at the Box Office Arena and ready for our opening fights of the night. Since you are already watching this you know that IFC prelims are available exclusively through IFCnet. Be sure to tell your fight friends that all of this fight action is available to them for only $999 per month. Now let’s get to the action!
Tiki Boom vs. El Pikador – El Pikador seems to know he’s overmatched and takes the fight right to Tiki Boom. He hits him with everything he has in him, including a BOLT STRIKE ALPHA but Tiki Boom just keeps on dancing. Tiki Boom begins a comeback but every time he starts building momentum, El Pikador manages to sneak away. El Pikador manages to keep Tiki Boom down after a Thunderbolt Slam.
Celsius vs. Bien Vestido – The dapper luchador, Bien Vestido, gets right to the action, nearly getting a TKO by putting Celsius against the fence and simply firing punches and kicks until Bull Hammer nearly had to step in. Celsius escaped in the nick of time and tried to keep his distance to regain his composure. Once he does, Celsius starts really taking the fight to Vestido. A ZERO HOUR nearly spells the end for Vestido but he’s able to make it back to his feet. A second ZERO HOUR is all she wrote.
Fahrenheit vs. El Halcon – The match gets off to a quick start, El Halcon ends up flat on his back after a speed punch flurry. The two men battle back and forth until, out of nowhere, Fahrenheit connects with a lightning quick FLASH KICK and El Halcon is out.
Squatch vs. The Messenger – As the match starts The Messenger can be heard warning Squatch about disrespecting Saint Nick. With the sound of the bell, both men rush forward throwing haymakers at each other until both men stumble back, attempting to shake the cobwebs from their heads. Squatch is the first to regain his composure and goes right back to punching The Messenger in his pale blue face. The Messenger comes firing back with a series of head kicks that ultimately puts Squatch down for the count. As The Messenger is declared the winner, he continues barking at Squatch. Squatch spits in The Messenger’s face and eats another head kick before security pulls them apart.
Main Card:
Hype MacLeod: And here we are, LIVE at the Box Office Arena for the main card of IFC 12. If you haven’t been watching on IFCnet, for only $999 per month, you’ve missed some amazing fights. If you don’t sign up soon, you’ll be left in the dust, wondering who all these awesome fighters are who are moving their way up to the main card.
Grudge Match: Rocky vs. Krusher Khan – We are told that Rocky requested this fight from the IFC match makers, promising a top notch fight. That was all they needed to hear to book it. The fight opens with a devastating roundhouse kick by Krusher Khan. Rocky is reeling. Khan charges forward to finish the job quick and gets caught with a flurry of punches. Now Khan is backpeddling and Rocky is pushing forward. Khan sees an opening and delivers a jaw crushing SOVIET SICKLE. Rocky crumbles. Bull Hammer is giving him the 10-count to get back to his feet and there is no life in Rocky at all. All of a sudden, at the 9-count he jumps to his feet, wobbly as all get out but still in this fight! Another SOVIET SICKLE connects but again, Rocky is still with it. Khan rushes forward again, smelling blood… literally. SUPER COMBO KO!!! Rocky hits the Hail Mary and Khan falls flat on his face.
Backstage segment:Ken Po and Sonny Onoo are having another heating conversation.
Ken Po: What the heck was that!?! You can’t get me a fight with Khan but Rocky, of all people, can just make a request of the IFC match makers and he gets the fight!?! He doesn’t even have a business manager!
Sonny Onoo: And look what it got him. He got a win over a rival but he’s got a broken jaw that will likely keep him out of action for weeks. By then people will have forgotten this fight even happened and he will be right back where he started. And look what I’ve got you, a match with one of the top fighters in IFC, Honest Abe.
Ken Po: I don’t want a fight with Honest Abe. I want Khan!
Sonny Onoo: You said you wanted the IFC Grand Championship. Beat Abe and we can start pushing the IFC match makers for a title shot.
Bobcat Jack Interview:
Hype MacLeod: I have been told that Scoop Muldoon should be back in action next week. That puts me here to interview our new IFC Grand Champion, Bobcat Jack. Jack, congrats on winning the title. How does it feel?
Bobcat Jack: You know, bub… It don’t feel too bad. As the saying goes, “It beats a sharp stick in the eye,” and I should know… I’ve had a sharp stick in my eye before. It ain’t pleasant. At the same time, though, I’ve been here before. I’ve held plenty of championship titles. The IFC sure has more eyes on it right now but I’ve yet to see what that really means for me as a fighter.
Hype MacLeod: Well you’ve got to think it means more money and fame… probably ladies as well.
Bobcat Jack: Money is fine and all. I’m a pretty simple kinda man though. I’ve always been able to scrounge up enough scratch for the night’s beers. What more do I need? Fame? I don’t need any of that. And those ladies you speak of? Even with my ugly mug, I’ve never really had a problem attracting a semi-sober lass from her barstool. She’s never the type to bring home to Ma but I don’t have memory of the old bat anyway. What I do know is that being IFC champ will mean I get to fight the best in the galaxy. That’s why I’m here anyway. I like fighting and I got sick of the easy fights I was getting elsewhere.
Hype MacLeod: Well tonight you’ll be finding out who your first challenger will be. Who do you prefer to face in your first IFC Grand Championship title defense, Party Pirate or Warhawk?
Bobcat Jack: It really doesn’t matter. Heck, I’d fight them both at the same time. That might be a challenge for me. I assume I’ll end up fighting them both at some point anyway.
Death Star’s head comes in from the side of the picture. He turns to talk to Bobcat Jack.
Death Star: I told you I remembered you from somewhere. Did you remember where yet?
Bobcat Jack growling: I told ya, bub. I ain’t got much of a memory.
Death Star: Me neither but I was banging my head against a wall…
*turning his head to stare into the camera again* literally… trying to remember where I knew you from. I started getting flashes. We’re old war buddies!!! Top secret missions, behind enemy lines during the Intergalactic Wars… How can you not remember!?!
Bobcat Jack: You didn’t.
Death Star: Sure but now that I know we were buddies I remember. And, no offense, I’m a bit more memorable than you are, bub. Tell ya what, we’ll help you remember. Pik!!!
El Pikador comes running in with a cinder block and smashes it over the head of Bobcat Jack, knocking him unconscious.
El Pikador: I sure hope you know what you’re doing.
Death Star: Have I ever led you astray?
El Pikador: I’ve literally known you for a couple weeks and I don’t have enough fingers or toes to count the number of times…
Death Star: That’s cuz that one guy bit your little toe off.
El Pikador: That’s exactly what I’m talking about…
The two walk off camera as medical staff rush in to check on Bobcat Jack.Vincitor vs. Death Star – Vincitor starts the match by immediately taking Death Star down and wrapping him up with the KINNIKU SPECIAL. Death Star says “I’d like to wrestle your mom until she turned even pinker.” Vince lets go of the hold to unleash some hammer fists, allowing Death Star to get back to his feet. Vincitor attempts a duo of Fireman’s Carry Slams but Death Star reverses and hits a standing shooting star press on the downed opponent. After some back and forth action, Death Star finds himself in another KINNIKU SPECIAL. He asks, “How good of a wrestler is your sister, Vin?” Again, Vincitor breaks the hold and goes ballistic with a ground and pound attack. Every time, Vincitor seems to have Death Star cornered, Death Star finds a way out, whether through fighting ability or his non-stop mouth. Death Star nearly takes Vincitor out with a flying cross chop but Vincitor responds to the refs count at the last possible second. At another point Vin seems to have Death Star ready to tap with his sixth KINNIKU SPECIAL of the fight. Death Star fakes going unconscious and Vincitor loosens the hold, allowing Death Star to sneak free yet again. A seventh KINNIKU SPECIAL sees Death Star try the fainting trick again but this time Vin cranks the hold even further and Death Star frantically taps to escape the pain.
Backstage segment:Tick Tock and Rabbid are talking in a dark area of the arena. The Messenger charges up to confront them.
The Messenger: I know you two were the ones that took Scoop Muldoon.
Tick Tock: Why whatever do you mean?
The Messenger: You know exactly what I mean. He found something that you didn’t want getting out there and you covered it up.
Tick Tock: I imagine if there was a shred of evidence to prove what you are saying, the Intergalactic Police Force would have spoken to us already. They haven’t. All you have is conjecture my dear, dear Messenger.
The Messenger: Well, I may not be able to prove wrongdoing just yet but I can beat the truth out of you in the cage. I’ve already had the matchmakers work up the fight agreements.
Tick Tock: That’s perfectly fine. If you can beat Rabbid you will have your shot at me. That seems fair. Just know that he’s been a bit hungrier than usual. Hahahahaha! This should be fun!
Ken Po vs. Honest Abe – The bell rings to start the fight and Ken Po comes charging forward and drills Abe in the throat with a jumping kick. Abe goes down in a heap and doesn’t get up. Ken Po wins and picks up his first victory in the IFC.
#1 Contender fight: Party Pirate vs. Warhawk – Party Pirate walks to the cage, looking even more wobbly than usual, Warhawk, even more energetic than usual. The fans are really going wild for Warhawk. The match starts with the two men grappling for advantage. Party Pirate sort of stumbles back after the exchange and trips on his own feet, giving Warhawk the perfect opportunity to lock in the Crazy Horse Clutch. With no escape options, Party Pirate has no choice but to tap.
Hype MacLeod: There it is, folks! Warhawk will be the first challenger to Bobcat Jack’s Grand Championship title. It should be a great matchup. What is up with Party Pirate though? He seems to be putting a little too much time into the partying and neglecting his fight preparation… and his fights. He looked like he was going to be one of the top fighters in the IFC but now he’s looking like he’s only here for the parties. We’ll have to watch and see if he can recover and go on the type of streak he started his IFC career with. He’ll need it if he ever plans to challenge for the IFC Grand Championship. Until next time, fight fans…